


Of trust and deadly lights

by Bonemarroww



Series: Of trust and deadly lights [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo to Kylo Ren, F/M, Jedi Training, Lightsabers are dangerous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 18:10:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonemarroww/pseuds/Bonemarroww
Summary: Trust can only do so much when deadly weapons are at stake.When you think about it, an accident was bound to happen.





	Of trust and deadly lights

Being one of the oldest padawans of Master Luke’s had always been both an honour and a curse, but it was nonetheless the life Meenah had managed to live for the past few years, after having been found as a kid on a small planet by the name of Durandil. Not the richest planet, not the poorest, just some piece of land floating in a big, growing universe.

Meenah had always had something off within her, something scary and feverish; something that made people obey her without even realising it.

Having Master Luke come and take her under his wing, teaching her about the Force, was by far the best experience in her life. However, what really brought joy to her life, no matter how tiring training got or her frustrations and sorrows, was a boy constantly by her side. A strong and loyal young man, called Ben Solo. The two of them had been inseparable ever since Master Luke had introduced her to this little boy with dark hair and a shy smile.

They shared everything, deepest secrets and shameful thoughts. With him, the words seemed to flow. Words flowed without meanings, meanings without words. A simple look, a simple touch, or even a simple brush of her force signature against his meant more than any words could convey.

There was something tender in the way they discreetly held hands while meditating, the way Ben stood strong to the children’s gossip about them and Master Luke’s disapproving looks. And then, in the way he let Meenah embrace him slightly at night, and run a hand through his hair, as he let his guards down to reveal how insecure he really was about his parents or Master Luke’s judgements. Ben did want to become a good man, a Jedi. It was just hard to be deprived of his parents, no matter how dysfunctional his family was, and it was even harder to be subjected to his uncle’s wariness and doubtful looks. He really did want to be a good, pure Jedi. But if that meant having to distance himself from his only good friend, the only one who made him feel like a good enough person, he would endure Master Luke’s doubts and lectures about passion in a Jedi’s heart.

Maybe it is because he was so used to it that he didn’t feel the changes until it was so late. How he didn’t notice how irritated he became when Master Luke reminded him he couldn’t ever be closer to Meenah. How he would now roll his eyes when his uncle would tell him to go easy on the younger padawans when they trained. How he felt so angry when his best friend managed to disarm him and make him fall on the floor, and actually had the nerve to _smile_ at him after that.

How, at night, he would dream of a dark, raspy voice, and feel a pull towards something still unknown and exhilarating.

At age seventeen, Ben was now and by far the best fighter out of all of Master Luke’s padawans. The younger boys were officially scared to face him, for he was known to not hold back his strikes for anyone besides his closest friend. Many a time, younger padawans would complain to Master Luke about bruises inflicted by the fake lightsaber they trained with.

As the elders, Ben and Meenah were the only ones Master Luke had trusted to build and keep their own, real lightsabers; but that didn’t mean they had the right to train with them.

Master Luke trusted them, and they trusted each other.

However, trust can only do so much when deadly weapons are at stake.  
When you think about it, an accident was bound to happen. 

“You’re going to give me your lightsaber and walk three steps away from me.”

A second of doubt followed Meenah’s calm, controlled order until it was crowned by Master Luke’s slow detachment of his weapon from his belt. Only while handing it to her did his hand tremble with doubt. A reassuring smile from the young girl and a slight pull at him with her force signature as she took it from his hands seemed to make his mind up, and he stepped back.

At this moment, Meenah felt the burning gaze of Ben in her back, and the irrepressible smile that pulled her lips in response broke her concentration. Master Luke seemed to wake up all of a sudden, and almost ran towards her to take back his weapon.

“You’re getting more manipulative by the day, Meenah. You have an undeniable talent for this. Be careful using it!” Master Luke praised with his ever-patronizing tone.

A new kind of burn seemed to tear through her spine. Her eyes closed, she nodded at Master Luke, and concentrated on Ben’s force signature. His mind had become a fortress with time and the growing pressure she felt within him, but she, in turn, had become a thought smuggler. Anger and jealousy, as well as guilt and self-depreciation, were boiling in her friend’s heart, and it broke hers a bit.

When Master Luke turned to the others padawans, she joined Ben on the far side of the training ground, and smiled softly to him. He did too in return, before hanging his head down, shame burning in his aura.

“You did great today, Meenah. Master Luke is right, you have a gift for this.”

The young girl couldn’t help but feel elated at his compliment. It had always been within her, but she had worked hard to master her skill.

“Thank you, Ben.”

Without even thinking about it, she took his hand in his, like they often did. Ben had always found it to be relaxing, and it helped to keep the raspy voice quiet.

“Master Luke said we’re fighting, this afternoon. I can’t wait for him to see how much you’ve improved.” She whispered, her head resting against his shoulder.

This brought the smile back to his lips, and he tightened his hold on her hand.

“Thank you, Meenah.”

“Meenah!” the hushed voice of her friend woke her up.

Struggling to open her eyes, the young girl discovered without much surprise the outline of a certain young man in her hut.

“Ben? What are you doing here?” she answered, maybe a bit too loud, as she got up.

Her hut-mate, one of the youngest padawans of Master Luke’s, a ten-year-old girl called Riah, stirred in her sleep. Ben’s mother had noticed her as force-sensitive when she had been on a diplomatic visit to a faraway planet, the year before.

“Take your saber and follow me.” He whispered. “Private lesson.”

This managed to wake her completely. Occasional private training with Ben was a bit of a tradition between them. Whether Meenah would help him meditate in peace, or he would teach her new fighting styles, this was always a privileged moment between them and Meenah loved every second of these night sessions, no matter how tired she would be in the morning.

In only a few minutes, she got dressed in her training outfit, and grabbed her lightsaber.

“Meenah…? Why are you up?” the feeble voice of her hut-mate interrupted her as she was about to leave the hut.

The eldest padawan shared a look with Ben, who nodded at her.

“Riah, go back to sleep. You never saw me leaving the hut tonight.”

When the young girl was done mumbling in her sleep how she never saw her elder leave, Meenah and Ben had already disappeared in the woods.

Training this night had started off as it usually did. Far from Master Luke’s watchful eyes, it had started slowly, laser blade gently clashing against laser blade. Meenah may have even laughed as she felt her muscles protest at the efforts, in this funny adrenaline feeling fighting with a real weapon always gave her. Ben might have smiled in return, as he danced through his partner’s attacks.

Training with actual lightsabers was forbidden, and therefore so liberating. It seemed like the blade weighed nothing as Ben felt his heart clench in such a wonderful sensation of being in power. Slowly gone in a curious frenzy, he didn’t worry about this particularly twisted attack that nearly swept his friend’s ankle away.

In her concentration, Meenah barely noticed when the strikes became stronger, faster, more treacherous. Adrenaline is such a thing – and even then, she couldn’t help but feel good as they sparred so hard.

Maybe that’s why she didn’t notice how Ben’s eyes kept getting darker and darker. How his lips were now pressed in a thin line, how harsh his movements were.

Ben was far, far away from her, as he pushed her to the ground and nearly stabbed her in his rage. Blinded by a red veil, anger seizing his heart, and a sneaky, raspy voice between his ears, Ben was slowly fading.

Maybe this is how, in return, he didn’t feel the desperation and tiredness in his opponent’s parries, didn’t hear the fear in her voice as she pleaded him to stop, demanded of him to put his saber down, or when she yelled that he was hurting her.

When skin was torn and the smell of her own burning flesh invaded her thoughts, when her hands flew to her head and the weapon was still crackling with her blood, she screamed.

The loudest, most horrifying screech ever heard on this island.

Master Luke said it had been a chance that this smuggler’s spacecraft had been so close to their planet when they called for help. He said that his nephew’s friend had been very lucky to be able to receive emergency treatments before the trafficker accepted to get them to Leia’s ship.

But as Ben was watching Meenah lying unconscious, bandages covering her face beyond recognition, the breathing assistance wires disappearing under the white dressing… It wasn’t luck Ben was seeing. It was the corpse-pale body of his best friend, who had been there lying unmoving for hours now, without any sign of coming back to life. And it was all his fault.

Guilt was gripping his heart like a vice every time he was trying to find any sign of his friend’s face under the bandages. Master Luke had found him in the night, worried about the scream that had woken him up. According to his uncle, Ben had been standing there without blinking, unmoving, his saber still ignited as if he was about to smash it on someone.

This someone, he had learned later, being a certain young girl he cared for with all of his heart.

Master Luke hadn’t let him see how badly she was hurt. The older man only said he had followed her force signature to a cave, where she most likely had hid until she passed out from pain and exhaustion. He had covered her face when he had carried her to the spaceship, and taken care of her wounds, never letting Ben come near her to see the injury with his own eyes.

Leia had tried to talk to him, to coax what had happened out of him, but in all honesty, Ben was far too shocked and driven mad with worry to even think correctly.

The next morning, Master Luke insisted that they couldn’t abandon his other padawans for any more time. They had to go back to training. Meenah hadn’t woken up still, and Ben had only resigned himself to going back when his mother had told him, with all the gentleness she could muster, that should Meenah wake up, he probably wouldn’t be the first person she would like to see on her bedside.

It was with a heavy heart that Ben Solo had followed his uncle in the smuggler’s spacecraft, holding on to the promise his mother made to let him know if anything happened to his friend.

Three days later, Ben learned that Meenah was gone. Nothing could be done for her. Brain damage.

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot will have a sequel, but as it was originally meant to be a single chapter fiction, I will post the next chapters as a second part to the series.


End file.
